A Dentist's Chair

http://writeonedge.com/ prompt: This week, with Labor Day and the end of summer rapidly approaching, we asked you to write about a season of change for your character or you. It can be literal or metaphorical.

"A Dentist’s Chair"

It, my life, is sort of like being at the dentist.  Anticipation fills me up like a balloon on the brink of popping.  I am utterly freaked out by the familiar smell of a dentist office, the length of the needle, and the sound of the drill. Hesitantly, sometimes even haphazardly, I willingly place myself in the chair and lie back  - hoping, praying that this visit go better than the last one I have tightly stored in the right hemisphere of my brain.  I place a slanted, but closed, tight smile on my face and listen to the doctor.  I watch her come a little closer.  My body jerks.  The slightest touch of latex-free rubber on my upper lip sends my blood racing through my veins and heading toward my heart.  I’m shaken, frightened, think I may even breathe my last breath in this cold, ugly, blue leather lounger.  But, I put on a brave face.  (My bulging brown eyes might seal the deal for a Razzie award nomination.)

 I’m being poked, prodded and numbed.

What is going to happen next? 

What do I want to happen?

What am I waiting for, exactly?

Perhaps I don’t know what I’m waiting for.  Or what I’ve been waiting for isn’t showing up, so it’s the empty expectations I project that fill me up with ramped emotions, and I wish I could condition myself to let things be. I’m a grown woman. I can handle this! 

Little by little, my big girl panties start making an appearance, until I hear:

“Okay, Mary Jane, you’re all set.  We’ll see you in two weeks” 

What!  I have to go through this experience again?

I have to feel anxious, nervous, and wait for what is expected, but doesn’t always present itself.  What, again, is the expected? 

I am so frustrated for feeling these emotions in the first place.  I have to have a confused sense of trying myself at bravery and being a coward at the same time.  This is my life and I’ll feel this way when I want to.  Two weeks is just too soon.  But sometimes, time isn’t on our side. And sometimes, even though the novocaine wears off, I still have days that leave me numb. Sometimes.

Until the next time…

Peace and love - MJ